Tag Archive | pschology

Learning To Live in Your Own Skin (Part 1)

There is a growing problem today, that is one of rage, sometimes it takes the form of road rage, domestic violence or rude co-workers. Many are damaged but don’t know how to attempt to fix their brokenness. It is so sad that some people fight against themselves their entire lives and are never happy or content with who they truly are. They believe the lies their parents told them that they were not being “good” children, and that they will not be accepted unless they behave the way mommy and daddy think they should. The duality of their natures have left them perplexed too many a time and has led them to many forms of escapism and vices. Many have to hide to be themselves, because they think they will not be accepted when people learn who they truly are. There are many carrying burdens from childhood, anger that have been pent up for years, because they have not confronted the problems of yesteryear, outbursts are inevitable for there is only so much the psyche can handle.

This may be a reason why many never find happiness, because while it is right under their noses they can’t seem to live in the moment and enjoy the happiness they so much deserve. They are enslaved in their own minds because they are trying to live up to something that doesn’t exist. Some standard set by their parents, by a church or by a teacher about what is acceptable and what isn’t.  These have caused them to feel guilt and insecurity when they do not live up to the high expectations of others. Many times people do not realize the destructiveness of such a life until it is too late. They have not properly let go of their past failures in relationships or of the hurt, guilt and bitterness they have for people who they have been hurt by.

Confrontation is a huge part of healing the body, mind, and spirit. Many decline from it, but it is only when you deal one on one with each issue that has affected you in your past, that you can gain the freedom to move on. You must confront those who have hurt you and forgive them, even if they never asked for forgiveness. For example, if you have a father who doesn’t care about you, you may be upset that he has hurt you, you may care about him, but find it hard to communicate this to him. Well you cannot have a relationship with someone who doesn’t want one, but you can let them know that you forgive them for not wanting one ,and you can let it go in your mind and heart.  You still love them, but you have decided to let go so this has been laid to rest, it cannot hurt you anymore.

Letting go of the things you cannot change and deciding to make strides in positive relationships with those who are in your life presently are all part of the healing process. All are these are conscious decisions that can only make a difference in a life if they are fully embraced. Come face to face with your failures and accept that they have made you a better person. How have they done this? They have led you to keep trying and to have compassion for others who fail.

When we learn to appreciate ourselves for who we are, then we can constructively learn from all of our mistakes and experiences, taking accountability for them, and seeing them as teachable moments instead of reasons for self-hatred. Every aspect of you should be considered and understood, not only the good things, but also the things that you are uncomfortable about. It is only by becoming the master of your thoughts and your mind that you will be able to truly love and truly enjoy every experience whether it be good or bad. We must direct the path our mind takes, if we see if steering off course we must steer it back to the safety of positive, constructive thought patterns. The power that we possess is all in our will, will we choose to possess joy in all that we have to do in life?
There are things about us that we may not quite understand, like why we react so emotionally to some things when other things don’t disturb us in the least. Well there are so many variables that we must consider about ourselves to properly understand why we do the things we do and how we can improve. One of the biggest mistakes people make is having expectations of themselves and others that are too high. The best way to guard against this is by not having expectations of others that they cannot deliver. Then you will be pleasantly surprised when they do deliver!
One very important factor to consider is our very first relationships, were they truly healthy ones? The relationship that we had with our parents affected each of us, was the relationship one of respect and true love, or was it very superficial. If we did not have very meaningful constructive relationships with our parents or siblings, then it is most likely that we have trouble having authentic relationships with people in our lives now. Unless we have made a conscientious effort to improve our relationships, and have taken time to consider and practice better communication with all we meet, then most likely we accept the superficiality of our lives and are just surviving.
Many are self-destructive without even being aware, to break this cycle they need to deal with the issues head on. I hope this article has given you some things to consider about yourself and the people in your life. To stop the trend of self-hatred, we must begin to appreciate our strengths and weaknesses and embrace all of who we are. Today I would like you to embrace the person you are because God created you unlike any other person, you have a unique experience and thus something special to offer the world!

Mothers are always teaching us!

Whether we are paying full attention or not, mothers are always teaching us something. Children and adults are very sensitive to the facial expressions, mood swings and attitudesImage of their mothers. The atmosphere around a mother can change the environment of the home positively or negatively. She is the most powerful force in the home. Her values are intrinsic to what her children will value. How much of who you are today is because of what you observed in your  mother. This can hardly be quantified.
There are some people who have had dysfunctional relationships with their mother’s, this could have been because their mother’s did not have the tools to teach them how to develop healthy relationships with their children. Should we always hold this over their heads, saying they were bad mothers? No, a mother cannot give what she never possessed. Most mothers do the best that they can for their children. We must be grateful for all that we learned from them and thank them for everything, the good, the bad and the ugly.
So if you are a mother, think about what you have been saying consciously and unconsciously, the overt messages you may be projecting by your facial expressions and reactions can be having a huge effect on your little ones. Your children are a sum of what you have demonstrated to them. It is in your hand’s to break the cycle of what you were taught and to endeavor to be a better mother yet, realizing how powerful your influence is is the first step. From there you can break a cycle and decide to be more conscientious, reacting more from principle rather than feeling can truly help. Sometimes you need to stop yourself and think about how everything you do and say affects your little flock. Happy Mother’s Day! 🙂